Are you a jerk? Are you a looser? Are you stupid? Do you really not fit in?
Are you good enough? Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Is this the type of self-talk you’re having with yourself these days? STOP! It is time to REBUILD your SELF-CONFIDENCE! Negativity cannot stay around long when self-confidence shows up.
Don’t allow yourself to destroy you; you are your own worst critique. Many times, we are not aware of the negative judgments we bring against ourselves; but the result is the same, the destruction of our self confidence, our self esteem, and a breakdown in our personal and business relationships.
In my talking with people, I find that we judge ourselves daily in some way or another and this is one of the major causes of fear, anger, and anxiety in our lives. Yet, most people don’t realize that they are causing their own pain; self-judgment is not your friend. The way we think and believe, in essence, designs our world. How are you designing your life? Remember your happiness today, tomorrow, and forever depends on you.
Most of the time, when I talk to people and ask why they are feeling anxious, I’m told that it’s because of something that happened to them. They usually believe that someone else has caused their anxiety or fear. Yet, when I ask them what they are thinking that might be causing their anxiety/fear they share a self-judgment such as, “I’m a complete jerk,” or they are projecting their own judgment onto others, telling themselves, “ others don’t like me,” or “they are tired of me.” This type of thinking causes their anxiety. There way of thinking is designing their world.
What you must understand is that this is an addictive behavior for many. In fact, at one point in my life, it was the only behavior I knew, until I began to mediate and focus on building a healthier life for myself. Normally, self-judgment is used to protect us against rejection or failure. The false beliefs are that, “If I judge myself, then others won’t judge me and reject me. I can be safe from others’ judgment by judging myself first,” or “If I judge myself, I can motivate myself to do things right and succeed. Then I will feel safe and be loved and accepted by others.” WRONG!
As adults we too do much better with encouragement than criticism, just as children. Instead of being mobilized by our critical analysis of ourselves, we become immobile due to the fear and anxiety that we have caused upon ourselves with negative self-judgment. More self-judgment follows the lack of action, which results in more anxiety and immobilization, until we create a situation where we are completely stuck and miserable.
What helped me and I am not saying this to sell a product, although I do promote this product because they work and have changed my life for the better; guided meditations! These meditations addressed my fear, anxiety, unknown-anger and unknown-depression; emotions I had not been aware of were healed in the process. Once I became aware of the self-hatred, self-judgment, insecurities, fears and debilitating thoughts ruining my life; I was able to work on me and I am so happy I did! You must however be willing to see and accept the truth; the truth of who you really are as a person, the truth of the reality of the world in which you live, the truth about your beliefs, be it religious or spiritual. For me, true healing only came when I was willing to open my mind and look at life through the lens of truth and reality. “What is the truth?” If you are really open to learning about the truth, the truth will pop into your mind, and it will be much different than what you have been telling yourself and in many cases, much different from what you have been told all your life.
One of the most profound lessons I have learned is that all of the negative talk could and should have been handled in more realistic way; for example, “I am dumb,” becomes “We all make bad choices sometimes,” it is fine to make a mistake, I’m human. When we open to the truth, we will discover a softer more compassionate way of speaking to ourselves, a way that makes us feel loved and safe rather than anxious, angry or depressed.
You must realize that addictions are a challenge and an addiction to self-destructive speak is no exception. So go easy on yourself and practice not judging yourself! It will take time and dedication to reverse this bad habit and learn to be kind toward yourself, but the end result is so worth the effort!